Friday, November 30, 2012

One more post before November is out

Oh, my dear, dear friends and family (and anyone else who reads this blog, if there is anyone), how long I have left you with not so much as a nibble of information about my writing life, or my too-quick trip to Toronto, or the amazing American Thanksgiving weekend I spent in Palm Springs with friends.

Then again, do you really care about any of that?

There are some of you who have been so supportive of my writing ventures, so I do know there are at least a few of you out there rooting for me in this regard.  For that I am eternally grateful.  But before I get to a few more things I'm grateful for, perhaps I can share a little bit about my current writing saga...

Alas, dear readers, there is a month left of 2012, and therefore it is now rather obvious that I'm not going to accomplish what I set out to do, when I began this blog, yes, almost one year ago.

I suppose I should be disappointed, but truly I'm not (well maybe just a little melancholy).  One of my greatest downfalls is setting unrealistic goals for myself in an effort to jumpstart my work ethic to rocket speed.  BUT, I did still get a lot done this year.  AND, AND, AND, the year is not over yet!!!

I'm flying to Orlando on Tuesday to cover an epic Disney event, and enjoy the Disney experience as it should be enjoyed: with children!!!  My aunt and uncle and cousins are coming along with!  I can see us now — in the line at It's a Small World, wearing mouse ears, eyes filled with Mickey glee.

When I'm back, it's back to work.  I'm not going to say what my writing goal is for the end of the year.  But I've got one.  A big one, but perhaps not as big as that great big (too big) goal I set out for myself at the beginning of the year.  As I wrote that last sentence my ego just jumped up to remind me that there are millions, upon millions, of other writers out there that could not only accomplish the goal I set out for myself at the beginning of the year, but surpass it.  And so to my ego, I say, a resounding $%&^#& you.  (But please ego, do not take this too much to heart, I suppose I wouldn't be who I am without you, wouldn't have learned many lessons, and ultimately that you are not me, just a part of my humaness).

So to turn it all back around.  Thank you for this determination I have not to give up, even when I'm scared shitless that I've been spending far too much time on a project that is never going to work, is never going to make it into readers hands, or into readers hearts.  Thank you for the courage I have to admit that all of this might be true but that the opposite could one day be true also.  Thank you for sweetness.  Thank you for a cozy bed.  Thank you for soft lights, and cool grey mornings (yes even in LA).  Thank you for support, from family, friends, the Universe, Spirit.

Thank you to each of you who follow your truth and inspire me anew each day to follow mine.

Thanks be.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Still alive — but still on a bit of a hiatus

Hello world.  It's been a while hasn't it?

And I'm afraid it's going to continue to be a while for me to post anything relevant (and I suppose relevant is a relative term here).

What I can tell you about my writing life is that things are going — as you know, slower than expected but I think no matter how fast I go it may always be slower than expected.  I've been dealing with real bouts of lack of motivation this week — like real ones — so I've been trying not to be hard on myself so the motivation has room to edge it's way back in.

Also, two people are reading my first book and the feedback I've gotten so far is really encouraging.  I haven't had a "I'm bored" or "this doesn't work at all" or "this sucks" comment yet.  So I'm pretty pleased.

Yoga has still been keeping me busy as well and occupying my mind.  Last weekend I taught fifteen minutes of a class to real people.  Yes, real ones!  And I didn't blank or vomit (though I may have felt a little like upchucking on the inside).  I've still got a long ways to go before I can become a bonafide teacher, and although I love yoga and I think I might actually like teaching, this isn't my priority and unless you're new to this blog you know why.

Next week I'm going to Toronto for a very, very quick visit.  So if I don't see you, I'm sorry, dear Torontonian friends.  I'll be back again when the snow is gone.

In the meantime, let's continue on from my last post, shall we?

Thank you for the freedom of being able to work from bed just because it's grey outside.  And thank you for that being hardly ever because I live in Los Angeles.  Oh, and thank you, by the way, for Tom and I getting through our first year in LA with bells on.  Thank you for the journey of this year in a new country, in a new part of the world.  Thank you for the place we call home, the park across the street, the little village shops a block away and new friends.  Thank you for the challenge of moving so far away from everyone I love and everything I know and how that makes me stronger, more open, and even more grateful for everyone and everything I left behind.  Thank you for how a move like this shapes my evolution.

Thank you for the process of life.  Thank you for a universe made of love even when it's not so obvious.  Thank you for the days I truly feel that we are one.  Thank you because no matter how far away I am from people I love, they are still with me everywhere.  Thank you because life always has the potential to be delicious even when it's sour, or bitter or frightening.  Thank you for new gifts.  Thank you for miracles.

Thank you.  Just thanks.