Dear Frost

Sometimes I think about all the things I could have done before now, the choices I could have made, the paths I could have taken.

I don't mean that I have regrets.  It's just easy to imagine that if I'd made certain choices it would have led me to certain things and then I would feel more certain about my life.

I guess what I mean is that sometimes it seems to me I could have chosen a profession — you know one where you go to school and then you go to school some more and then after that you begin work in a specific field that corresponds.  Who knows, perhaps one day I'll be going down that path?

But right now, I'm taking a road less travelled.  My Facebook feed is full of friends buying houses, taking vacations, reporting on their day jobs and posting pictures of their kids.

Those are all glorious things.  They're things I want for myself one day.  But I don't just want that.  And I'm wondering here, at almost 32, if perhaps one day this road I've taken will have made all the difference?  And I'm curious about what that difference could be?  

Such Music

So this post is long overdue but still totally necessary.

My family and friends (aka blog readers) are now well aware of Such Music but still I can't have this blog and not properly introduce Such Music on here.

As anyone who is friends with Tom and I knows, we're drum and bass fans.  Well, me, yes, I'm a fan.  For my dear Toomas 4Everest Peters, it's much deeper than that.

When Tom and I were first dating, he'd pick me up in his two-door '88 Oldsmobile. Then he'd pop in a drum and bass cassette tape (that's right!) and with a pack of cigarettes in my lap, the window open and one probably already sparked (I relished ciggys in those days) we'd drive around without a destination, listen to drum and bass and talk about the things we dreamed for ourselves.

That was twelve years ago.  Little did we know at that time that we'd be dating past that summer of 2001 or that we'd be married nine years later.  Little did we know soon he'd be moving to Vancouver to live with me at the shining age of 23.  We didn't know we'd spend two year together there, then shack up with my parents for two years, move to Toronto for four and then make the big move out to Los Angeles.

But the one thing I think we did know, regardless of where we would be or even if we would still be together, is that we weren't going to give up on the dreams we shared with each other.

I know how cliché that sounds, but clichés get their rap from truth and that's what our feelings and ideas were back in those days.  And 12 years later I've got a novel I'm almost ready to send out and Tom has launched Such Music.

Such Music is a digital record label, for the meantime focusing on drum and bass.  With one release already out, featuring an amazing and very famous U.K. artist Utah Jazz, and another release dropping July 8, every time I look at the logo, hear a track, cruise the website, my mind often goes right back to Tom and I driving nowhere in that Oldsmobile (affectionately called the TomCat).  Then I think about how we've never expected anything out of the work we're dedicated to.  We keep it up because we feel we have to.  Sure, we dream about being able to make a living doing what we love, but I'm confident that if we never do, it won't stop us from continuing.  It hasn't stopped us in twelve years.

During one of our very early conversations Tom mentioned the idea of starting a record label.  It was off the cuff and for years afterwards we never really brought it up.  He was more into just producing his music and we didn't give it much thought.  Then one thing led to another and here we are.  Tom's been working two jobs (his day job during the day and Such Music at night).  He's been crafting a label that really has heart.

My dream is, overtime, Such Music's listeners will hear that heart. It's hard to miss really, so big and bright, bold and filled with bass!

Tom I'm so proud of you, so grateful that I get to spend my life with a man who sticks to his guns and I know as the years dance on I will always continually be amazed by what you accomplish.

So folks, check out Such Music.  Check out the interview in Knowledge Magazine explaining more about the label, like the FB page, follow Such Music on Twitter and come along for the ride!

  

Gratitude and giving back!

It's been a while since I've done this and I'm feeling it's way overdue.  Let's shout out to the interweb how grateful we are, shall we?

Thank you for the awakened knowing in my spirit that I think more so I might feel less. Thank you for the path of the breath, how it leads me out of my head and back into my heart so I might feel all of what I need to — weather that is pain, or joy or fear or freedom.

Thank you for second chances.  Thank you for a return back to one of my first loves — writing.  Thank you for any optimism at all as far as my work is concerned.  Thank you for the lesson that blind expectation will lead to disappointment and that the words "what if" and "maybe" hold more power in them than "I know" and "absolutely."  There is so much more that can grow from a place of uncertainty.

Thank you for a sky full of grey clouds (when it's sunshine all the time it's possible to enjoy the grey!).

Thank you for truffle salt and sisters and e-books and patience and growth and video games and yoga to live music and transition and maxi dresses and sunflowers and jean jackets and people who are honest and kind, supportive and hilarious!

Most of all thank you for people who are generous.  Namely my family and friends.  Tomorrow I'm practicing yoga for 12 hours in honour of St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.  It's the culmination of a month of fundraising for this amazing hospital that never turns away a family based on their ability to pay.  That part means a lot to me coming from Canada.  Health Care has been one of the stickiest things for me to navigate since moving to the U.S.

We just got a letter from our insurance company detailing how much Tom's six-hours in emergency, plus a CT scan and MRI cost.  We have great insurance (which I am supremely grateful for) so we had to pay just a tiny portion of the overall cost.  In numbers, that means we're paying $100 of almost $10,000!!  Can you imagine?  Imagine anyone in an emergency situation who doesn't have health insurance, or who has bad insurance?  Not trying to get into a Michael Moore rant at the end of this blog post, but what I'm trying to say in a long and drawn out way is that imagine you have a child in the United States who is battling cancer.  Imagine you can't afford treatment (one day of chemo can cost $7,000).

That's why it's so, so, so important to give to hospitals in the United States who support all families, all children, battling cancer or other diseases.  That's why it's so important to give when you can.

I am so grateful that my very first fundraising venture (well, since I was 9) has shown me the generosity of others, even those you hadn't expected it from.

My fundraising efforts for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital ends tomorrow.  Today you can donate.  There's still time!  Click here.     

Sorry for the bluff

Has it been a month?  Why, yes it has.  I think I said I would be blogging more, but alas, life is making my regular routine rather difficult at present.

Let's see, what's happened since my last post? Tom launched his drum and bass record label, Such Music. My beloved yoga studio closed and a new one opened up in its place. My sister came to visit. We went to Hawaii together (me for work, her tagging along). We came back. Tom played his first DJ gig in LA the same week as Such Music's first release, and then he broke his neck.

Yes, you read that right.  It sounds worse than it is but breaking his neck is the truth of the matter.

The day after Tom's first drum and bass Dj gig at RESPECT Thursdays in Hollywood, my sister and I, Tom and our friend and very talented producer/dj visiting from the U.K, Luke Wilson (aka Utah Jazz) went to Malibu for the day.

It was Tom's first day off in a long while.  Before that he'd been working two jobs: his day-job all day and then working on Such Music all night.  This trip to Malibu marked the beginning of a four-day weekend for him and he was so stoked.  And I was so excited for him because he really deserved a break.  Then he hit the waves with a boogie-board (they were HUGE waves) and it wasn't more than forty-minutes later he was being rushed to Emergency in an ambulance.

Those hands in the earth of my life I blogged about earlier, well it appears they've dug deeper and thrown up more dirt.

Regardless of that I am grateful.  Tom could have ended up much worse off than leaving the hospital in a neck brace he'll have to wear for at least another six weeks.  I don't want to think about what that worse off could have been.

I've just now started to catch up to my life.  Before I left for Hawaii I had been subbing a lot of yoga classes, which is another story altogether, maybe cut-off mid-sentence (at least for now).  I hope to blog about that more down the road...

Nonetheless, all of the above took time away from this blog.  It doesn't mean I haven't wanted to write.  And though I'm not really too sure who exactly is interested in all of this, despite my lack of blogginess, I would still like to keep going.

If you're reading this, I really appreciate you taking the time and I send you my love. xo