Half way in

This Sunday will be six months since I started this blog, six months since the day I proclaimed to the web that I will finish drafts of three novels in one year

I'm not going to lie about anything here, I'm not going to avoid owning up to where I am because maybe it's not where I thought I'd be.  Instead am opting for honesty.  It's who am.  It's gotten me in trouble before and I'm sure will again, but I hope right now that maybe it won't.

By the middle of April I was ten chapters away from finishing the third draft of book one in the trilogy. I was whizzing through it and feeling great.  If you've been reading this blog you know what happened next.  I won't spare you with the details.  They were all great things, of course.  Experiences, visits, jobs I am grateful for, but it did take me away from writing.  Between mid-April and the week before last I finished two chapters, which brought me down to eight left.  Then if you read my last blog you know I decided I needed to make a change in the draft that took me back into rewrites of a few chapters already written.  I just finished those rewrites now.

So I've still got eight chapters left, maybe seven.  I'll finish them in a week from now if I'm really lucky.  Otherwise I'll finish them the week after.

That gives me just under six months to write two novels from scratch.  Can I do it? Yes, I can do anything!!  Will I do it?  Time will tell.

The main thing I want to tell you all is that I'm not giving up.  I'm going to do my absolute best to get as much of this trilogy done this year as I possibly can.  But IF, for some reason, I don't make this self-imposed deadline, I am going to be happy with however much I've completed.  No, not happy.  I'll be over-the-moon, insanely proud, elated, rave-dance excited.  Why?  Because I will have given it my absolute all.  I will have lots more done than I ever thought I would get done in those dark, cold moments at the bottom of a pitiful mood.

That's the point isn't it?  Journey, not the destination.  I recall saying something along these lines before: Not just about this year, but all years.... Not just about a year of greatness, a year of love, but a lifetime.  

And then one day I will be finished this trilogy.  And hopefully one day some people will read it and hopefully those people will feel at least some of the love I put in.  Then, even if they do or if they don't, it will be on to the next thing.  That next journey, the next book, the next year.

I'm possible

So I've been writing away and I realize there's a major rewrite I need to do to the ending.  Well, I don't need to do it but I feel it's the right thing.  It's putting pressure on me because I just want to get this draft finished.  But more than that I want it to be the best draft it can be.  Maybe it means I won't make my July 6th deadline, but nothing's impossible.  Just like Audrey Hepburn says:

Getting there

This is what I looked like the minute I got home from Disneyland last Thursday, minus the whiskers.

It was the end of two months of insanity that started in mid-April.  In between then and now I had visitors to LA, covered three travel events, visited two other countries, which included my first visit home, and saw a bajillion people.  Yes, you read that correctly, a BAJILLION!  And all of it culminated last week as I raced down Route 66 at 7:00 a.m without coffee or breakfast, while cars smiled and spoke to me and winked.    

And as you know, I've got eight chapters left to write of this #@#$%# draft.  And boy does it feel like that kind of draft today!  I've spent the last three days just getting my head back into it.  And you know what, this @#^&#*# draft has some coherency, I must admit.  It's terribly over written, but that's fixable, right?

Now I'm giving myself a deadline to get these next eight chapters done (a secret source told me it will really only be seven chapters but we'll see how that goes).

I'm revealing this deadline to the world so someone out there will banish me to the darkest, coldest place beyond The Wall of the Seven Kingdoms (yes, I'm reading Game of Thrones) if I don't make it.  Do you think someone will do that for me?  If so, my deadline is July 6th.

Of course, as usual, I spent a good chunk of my time today beating myself up for dilly-dallying in chapters already written and wondering if the villain in my novel should in fact be a dragon (damn you Game of Thrones!).

BUT even after all that, I have started writing again.  I AM getting there.  And I will get there.  On July 6th.

As for all the other things going Lightening McQueen through my busy mind, like how I'd really enjoy a larger income, how I really want to do a five-day juice cleanse, get some more writing gigs, loose ten pounds and run and do yoga every single day, meditate, decorate my apartment, go to New York with my sisters to see the Newsies on broadway, and visit Thailand, and all of this in 2012 (This is the year, isn't it?).  Well, I'll just have to put that all aside for now and do the only thing I can do, what I've been telling myself over and over and so will again here and now:  Trust the process of life, be grateful for it.

In which the beat goes on

I've always wanted to start a blog post with "In which," since there are so many blogs out there with authors that start about every other post with that and I guess I wanted to join in the fun.  I have the Sister Act 2 version of Ball of Confusion in my head right now as well, so that's where I'm getting "the beat goes on."

And it does, doesn't it?  I've been away from my "desk" for pretty much all of May and the first week of June.  First in NZ and then visiting family.  I thought I would have this week to get some #$%! organized and start writing but now I'm heading off to Disneyland to cover the Cars Land opening and so my novel writing is postponed yet again!

But THAT'S IT!!!  No more putting writing on the back burner after this.  Oh no!  I've got eight chapters to write baby, then another book to start right after and I don't plan on anything getting in my way!

I've got a few writerly type posts planned for the future but in the meantime, I know you're asking:  "Why how was your trip to Canada, Candice?"

Well, it was absolutely mad psycho crazy insane lovely.  Really, really busy, but perfect in every way.

The first night we arrived we got to party old school style at this bar in Oakville we used to hang out at where my hubby used to DJ.  His friends still run the night there and they were kind enough to invite him back to play.  So that night you would have found me there dancing to this:

In case you didn't know, my hubby is a very talented producer and this just so happens to be my new favourite song of his. (I'll have more on all of this down the road).  The best part of the night was when my sisters, Shayna and Kari, and my friends were all rocking out on the dance floor together.  It's something that used to happen all the time and now hardly ever does.  Maybe I took it for granted then but I sure didn't that night.

During the week Tom and I got to eat bagels and lox and creams cheese, one of my all time favourite comfort foods, with two of my all time favourite people:

That's my Bubbie and Zadie.  We're at Kiva's, the proper Jewish hang out in Toronto.  I love the noise in this place, the swarms of people sharing bagels with their family and friends, as they all run into more family, more friends, because EVERYONE is there.  And did I mention the bagels?  Oy!

I finally was able to catch a Yoga class with my Dad.  I'm pumped that he's starting to love yoga as much as I do.  We also shared some delicious oysters, twice!  (Yes, I'm spoiled).

My last week there I was able to get some much needed catch up done with my in-laws and then I got to hang out on the couch in my childhood home.....My sister and I finally had the chance to watch Funny Girl together, as we'd planned months before.

And thanks to Kari I've got a new Streisand song to be in love with.  Not sure if it's my favourite but because it reminds me of this trip every time I hear it I want to cry, just a little.  Enjoy!

Canada Bound and Neil Gaiman

Tonight I am on my way back to Toronto.  I am so excited and already really feeling a little bit overwhelmed but I am mostly very excited.  I haven't seen my mother in almost eight months, which is the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other and has only happened one other time (when I was going to school in Vancouver).

I do not like being away from my family and though the extra time to myself I have in LA may be helping me to get writing done, in a perfect world I would be living in Toronto, getting paid to write what I love, and enough so that I could live comfortably with Tom, and whoever else should come along.  That could still happen.  But for now, it's still a dream.

Neil Gaiman had something fabulous to say about dreams recently, when he addressed the University of the Arts in Philidelphia.  I suggest that you watch this video of his speech.  If you're an artist of any kind, perhaps not even producing but with art in your spirit, then this is for you.  It's nineteen minutes of your life, but well spent when you consider some of the other, more wasteful things you've done with nineteen minutes of your time.  When I'm sad and wish my family were nearer, when I have my "I'm not going fast enough" moments about my novel writing, Gaiman reminds me to use it.  It's something I prescribed to long ago.  For this is how we, as Gaiman puts it, "make good art."

As a side note, I love the bit in here about how he lied about his writing credentials to get his first job in journalism.  I wish I would have had the balls to do something like that when I was starting out!

And speaking about "not going fast enough" with my novel.  I'm eight chapters away from finishing the rewrites of Book One.  When I get back from Toronto I plan to be done them in no more than two weeks.  Then it's off to be read, by people, for the first time all the way through.  I'm both excited an terrified.  For now though, I love this book I'm writing and I just hope I can do right by it.  Maybe one day you'll get to read it and hopefully you'll think I have done.

Now this is what I'm talking about...

I'm sure you all have seen this video before.  I went on a sharing spree with it about a year ago but I thought this was a great time to share it once more.  Imagine we all woke up every morning and did this?

I'm really yearning to get back into my novel, but I've been rushing around trying to get all my New Zealand stories done and dealing with a bit of jet lag....but I will be getting back in at least for one chapter before I'm off to see my family in Toronto next Friday!!!  *jumps for joy*  I am so excited to see everyone!

Then when I get back they'll be just eight chapters of this draft left to do!!  In the words of dear Jessica in the above video "I can do anything good!"

Happy Friday!

At Aukland airport...

I've travelled all around the world and I'm only 30.  There are a lot of places I get to visit because I am lucky enough to have a job (now as a freelancer) that sometimes takes me places.  I love seeing the world.  I love experiencing other places, the people that live there, their culture, their landscape and the food they eat (this is always a big part for me!).  I am immensely grateful for every trip I take and have taken, but (and this might make me different than most) what's one of the best parts of travel for me? Perhaps the best?

Coming home.

I chose this photo because for me, home isn't really a place.  I don't need to use the cliche for you to get it.   And don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't enjoy being away and that I'm wishing I could come home the whole time... it's that travel makes me feel so absolutely grateful for the love my life is filled with.  

When I'm travelling solo, Tom and I often miss each other so much it can almost feel a bit painful at times, but you know it's worth it — not just for the experience whilst travelling but because the reunions are so sweet.

I can compare it to being away from all my family in Toronto too.  I miss my Mom, my Dad, my sisters, my in-laws, my niece, my aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents and friends so much sometimes I could burst.  But I promise you that because of it I put my love for them into everything I do.

Now the thing is, most of us don't have to travel away from our partners very often and if so it's usually never more than a night or two, let alone two weeks or more.  Most of us live so close to our family we can get in a car and drive to them at a moment's notice.  When that happens it can sometimes be easier to take the special people in our lives for granted, to assume that they'll just always be there.  So how about today or tomorrow, right now and always, we just think about that for a second?  

In the words of one of my all-time favourites, Alicia Keys, in a song where she also refers to my theme song for this year: "Live.  Love life.  Give love."