The greatest love of all

Before I gave birth every one told me that your labor never goes as expected.  I doubted my own instinct a lot when I was pregnant. For this very reason on of my greatest lessons I've learned (now that Easton is almost four weeks old) is that sometimes things can go the way you want them to. Sometimes the dreams you've been having come to fruition and all that you knew in your heart to be true is.

For this there is only gratitude, so immense, so powerful and so great it us unlike any I have felt before.  So I say, as always, thank you. Thank you for my body - for how it serves me, for how it serves the little one that came from it. Thank you for this new love in my life, for every challenge, for every lesson learned, for every moment I get to know my baby boy better and understand his needs, how to soothe him and care for him. Thank you for moments to myself! Thank you for the support of many so that my darling boy and I can thrive. Thank you for the man that has been loving and caring for me for 13 years and who now cares for US on a whole other level. To have him in our lives, we are blessed beyond our fondest dreams!  

I have never been more in awe of myself, realized the confidence I have and what I am capable of. I have never been more in love with life and it's process and it's magic. Sure, I'm having a great moment right now.  I don't feel like crying and have gotten (some) sleep - which is not always nor will very often be the case.  So I am taking this moment to say thank you, to every thing and every one that is out there. My family of three is connected to you in pure love.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for the birth of my healthy baby and the love that is growing, growing, growing. This is the year, the greatest year on record...so far!

Off to a Great Start!

Well, it's finally happened.  I've crossed over to the other side....

This is Tom and I with Victoria, our new car.  We got it so I'd have my own car to drive around L.A, now that walking 3.5 miles/day at least is starting to tire me out too much in this pregnant body.  I will still walk!  Oh yes!  I refuse to surrender to the LA culture of driving ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE when there's nothing but sunshine can clear skies.  But on the flip-side, it's bloody hard to get anywhere in LA without a car.  I've managed to do pretty well for my first two years here, when most Angelinos look at me sideways when I tell them I don't have my own car.  But the thought of being a tad bit isolated with a newborn and the difficulty of getting to doctor appointments or Mommy and Baby meetings etc. helped Tom and I decide it was time.  And for one woman who has always disliked driving, I have to say I LOVE THIS CAR!  It doesn't mean I'm totally comfortable navigating the highways of LA.  It's nuts here people!  But oh, dear Toronto friends, if you could see how far I've come! I'm so, so grateful that Tom and I can afford our beautiful Victoria and that I really do love driving this sweet, smooth girl.  She's helping me get over much of my driver's anxiety and that is a blessing!  Big Gratitude!

In the meantime, while I haven't been driving, doing my other freelance work, or teaching yoga, — and I've been doing a lot more of that lately which is awesome and helping to pay for the aforementioned vehicle — I've been working on this:

I've been slashing, and making notes and looking for places to cut, because this draft is a tad on the long side.  But I'm making huge progress!  Thanks in part to the help of my author aunt.  And in a few months this bad boy will be out of my hands and sent out...Before baby comes I'll be at the next stage with this manuscript - the submission stage!  Oh my goodness, I don't want to think about how many years it's taken me to get here, but the time is nigh, my friends.  Oh yes, it is coming very soon. I feel grateful that I've stuck through it.  Just to get to this stage after being a young early twenty-something girl and dreaming of getting here, I have!  And it's because of the support from my family and my love, it's because of my own perseverance. Even if nothing more comes from this I have to give myself credit for getting this far.  There's a lot of people that don't. 

And while I'm not editing away...Tom and I are working on this:

It's our official "Before Baby Peters" list.  That's right!  We have a list — with only 12 weeks or so to go until baby arrives.  Bah!  I know our lives will be changed forever pretty soon and I've never been more excited, more grateful for a life change (though trust me already-parents, I'm not expecting this to be easy in any way, shape or form).

At 30 weeks I have to say I'm really starting to feel the spirit of this baby inside me.  Not in gender terms but in a whole other way — just a presence that I feel wrapped up in, in awe of and so utterly grateful for.  Every time the baby moves in my belly I'm filled with great laughter. I can't thank God, the Universe, Spirit, enough!

And on a side note...it's my Mom's birthday today.  Happy Birthday Mom!  You all know how important she is to me.  And if you don't, read this. 

  

This was 2013!

Our second year in LA has been a BIG one.  I wrote a new novel from start to finish, then polished off another one. I became a certified RYT 200-hour yoga teacher, assisted a second round of teacher training and completed an 85-hour specialty certification in prenatal yoga.  And I also started teaching yoga!  Me!  The girl who cried in 2012 when she had to teach a sun salutation to a group of teacher trainees because she was terrified of speaking in public — and now I have two classes a week of my very own!  I never expected I would get to this point teaching yoga and how much I would love teaching.  I never thought I could write a novel in three months either, but I did that this year too!

Tom and I also had six sets of visitors in 2013.  I went back to Toronto twice, went to Hawaii with my little sis, made a trip to NYC with my Mom and my aunt, Tom and I visited our little niece and family in Vancouver and then we partied in Calgary for his best friend's wedding. We also took multiple trips to Palm Springs — with my aunt and her family and with friends — and then we had a little getaway of our own in San Clemente.  This was also the year Toomas 4Everest Peters launched his digital record label, Such Music — and the label had a stellar first year!  Then the weekend after he launched the label he broke his neck on an ocean wave in Malibu.  While he was healing I broke my toe.  We spent 12 weeks together in our apartment while he healed, learning to be humble and above all reach for a whole new level of gratitude.  Every day we are grateful that he made a full recovery (along with my little toe).   But you know, there's a lot a young married couple can get up to when they're stuck in their apartment together, even with broken bones...

It turns out 2013 was also the year we embarked on a journey, of receiving one of life's greatest gifts!! 

And so these were the events of 2013, but in truth, this was the year...

...we saw for ourselves how quickly life sprouts up and on and how joy spreads with it

This was the year of knowing you will always find your way back to the people you love

...and that together you can visit the places of your dreams.

 This was the year of discovering that you can set goals and you can surpass them

and that life will always find a way to help you express what's in your heart.

This was the year my eyes opened wider to the evolution of spirit within each of us, the beauty that resides within us all. 

I realized like never before that we are here to go for it.  We are here to express. We are here to share what we love and always, always, always, create from the truest parts of ourselves.

We are here to remember the cliche that life's greatest loves can be born out of life's greatest heartaches (or something like that ;)

especially if you're able to laugh your way through.

 Because the truth is this won't be the last time you'll need to reach for a higher place.  The truth is that the thing you never thought you'd get through is over now, or it's on its way to being over, because it all ends sometime.  It all changes.  So if it's at all possible, keep in mind and take heart that there are joyous occasions around the corner.  There is love like you have never known.

This was a year of love, this was a year of greatness, this year and all...

Life surging on and overflowing

Thank you for the crispy bits of roasted potatoes.  Thank you for information falling into my lap just when I need it and better yet before I realized I did.  Thank you for time — to connect, to relax, to breathe and move and to discover.  Thank you for the moments I remember to recognize my freedom. Because I know that freedom is like life, ever changing, and it might not always exist in the same way, so thank you for how it exists in my life right now. And thank you for boot weather.  Thank you for live music and community and teachers who hold the space.  Thank you for my person, the support he slips under my soles so I can feel myself growing.  Because I know I'm growing, it's just that sometimes it feels more like sinking and so I'm grateful for him because he reminds me that backwards steps can be forward steps.  Thank you for all the pieces of the universe that we don't understand.  Thank you for surprises.  Thank you for open hearts and surrendered spirits. Thank you for life surging on and overflowing.  Thank you for this moment, right now, right here.       

Something out of nothing

I finally got around to watching this TED Talk by Amy Tan about where creativity lies.  She makes some great points about the serendipitous nature of creativity that really resonated with me so I thought I would share.  If you have 20 minutes and are so inclined:

Life is good right now.  In fact, life is great.  I feel awesome, am back in a schedule doing so many things I love: writing lots, teaching yoga, practicing yoga, hanging out with friends and my best friend and life-mate, good old Mr. Peters.  I'm just really grateful to be right here.

I'm feeling really good about the revisions I'm going through in this next draft of my book and confident that I'll be done with this draft very soon.  Then...(duh, duh, duh) it will truly be time to send it out!  It's taken me a LONG TIME to get even close to this stage (much longer than most writers I think, from what I read in the blogosphere), but I haven't given up!  It's been a good 10 years since I committed to the idea of writing stuff for people to read and I'm really thrilled I've kept at it.

Yesterday I was in a bathroom and I cam across this:

Thoreau's quote made me smile because, after all this time, I can't believe that's still the direction I'm going in. I've had a lot of help and a lot of love from people to keep me on track, but reading this I'm reminded that patience really pays off.  I haven't realized a lot of my dreams yet, but because I'm going in their direction I feel like I'm living them.  And when I'm out of my head and in my body, when I'm breathing in the present moment, I realize that if you're living any stage of your dream, in some facet you're already there.

So, my dear ones, GO CONFIDENTLY! You may just end up realizing the life you've imagined for yourself is happening right now.

Mom and some Torah wisdom

I am officially on staff teaching prenatal yoga at Yoga Noho!  I teach Mondays and Saturdays at 10 a.m! The Monday class I am currently subbing for a friend on mat leave but the Saturday class I'm taking over and am so excited about this!  It's my first official class! Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude!

For the last 10 days my mom and aunt Lisa were here visiting in LA.  They just left on Saturday.  We had an awesome time but saying goodbye is always hard. I'm going back to Toronto for the holidays though so I'm comforted in knowing it won't be too long until I see them again.

One thing I've learned is that not every daughter has a great relationship with their mother.  I have to say I always have.  Even when I was a teenager and my mom was chasing me down the street in her housecoat in the middle of the night when I tried to sneak out.  Or anytime we've had yelling matches (my mother likes to use her voice) I've always still loved her so fiercely and been aware of that.  After my husband, she is the first person I speak to when I have a problem.  She is the first person I want to call when I have joyous news to share.  And most of the time I just need to connect with her — through Facetime, in person, on the phone — just because.  I know in my heart that our spirits are connected, that we've been loving each other for way longer than just this life.  And I am so, so grateful.  I am thankful for what she's taught me.  I am thankful for how she's always encouraged me not to give up on my dreams, even if they haven't been making me any money, even if the realization of my dreams is a long shot.  All I wish for her is health and happiness and a long life.  Selfishly, I want to share as much of mine as possible with her, loving her, expressing my gratitude for her and just being together.  Love you Mom!  The picture below is us before we sat as audience members of The Talk TV show.  We had a blast.

Now I thought I would leave you with just a nugget of wisdom from my Jewish roots.  I came across this carved box in a gift shop in Burbank when my Mom was visiting and the words just hit home.  For those of you who have been reading my blog, even though my posting has been so sporadic for the latter half of this year, this one's for you.  And for the rest of you, it's also yours for the taking.

Gratitude and giving back!

It's been a while since I've done this and I'm feeling it's way overdue.  Let's shout out to the interweb how grateful we are, shall we?

Thank you for the awakened knowing in my spirit that I think more so I might feel less. Thank you for the path of the breath, how it leads me out of my head and back into my heart so I might feel all of what I need to — weather that is pain, or joy or fear or freedom.

Thank you for second chances.  Thank you for a return back to one of my first loves — writing.  Thank you for any optimism at all as far as my work is concerned.  Thank you for the lesson that blind expectation will lead to disappointment and that the words "what if" and "maybe" hold more power in them than "I know" and "absolutely."  There is so much more that can grow from a place of uncertainty.

Thank you for a sky full of grey clouds (when it's sunshine all the time it's possible to enjoy the grey!).

Thank you for truffle salt and sisters and e-books and patience and growth and video games and yoga to live music and transition and maxi dresses and sunflowers and jean jackets and people who are honest and kind, supportive and hilarious!

Most of all thank you for people who are generous.  Namely my family and friends.  Tomorrow I'm practicing yoga for 12 hours in honour of St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.  It's the culmination of a month of fundraising for this amazing hospital that never turns away a family based on their ability to pay.  That part means a lot to me coming from Canada.  Health Care has been one of the stickiest things for me to navigate since moving to the U.S.

We just got a letter from our insurance company detailing how much Tom's six-hours in emergency, plus a CT scan and MRI cost.  We have great insurance (which I am supremely grateful for) so we had to pay just a tiny portion of the overall cost.  In numbers, that means we're paying $100 of almost $10,000!!  Can you imagine?  Imagine anyone in an emergency situation who doesn't have health insurance, or who has bad insurance?  Not trying to get into a Michael Moore rant at the end of this blog post, but what I'm trying to say in a long and drawn out way is that imagine you have a child in the United States who is battling cancer.  Imagine you can't afford treatment (one day of chemo can cost $7,000).

That's why it's so, so, so important to give to hospitals in the United States who support all families, all children, battling cancer or other diseases.  That's why it's so important to give when you can.

I am so grateful that my very first fundraising venture (well, since I was 9) has shown me the generosity of others, even those you hadn't expected it from.

My fundraising efforts for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital ends tomorrow.  Today you can donate.  There's still time!  Click here.     

Making the final check-in

Wait! #ROW80...I'm here.  Out of breath and panting but I'm here to deliver my final check-in.

I've been off the blogging grid for almost three weeks now....first because I had a number of visitors and then because I opted for working on my writing goals instead of blogging about them in the last hours of the first round of #ROW80.

But before this round ends I wanted to just put in how far I made it with my goals, and to send so much gratitude out to Kait Nolan and this writing challenge and as well to the sponsors and every other ROWer who came to encourage and visit my blog.  It was also fun getting to visit some of yours!

So, for a recap of my goals:

Through Kait's advice, I started out by chopping my original goal in half.  I know I can write between 2,000 and 3,000 words when I'm trying, so doing as Kait said, I made my #ROW80 goal to write 1,000/day, five days a week, and have this also translate into 5,000 words/week.

It didn't take me long to realize that this was the best goal I ever set for myself.  Through the first two months of #ROW80 I was meeting or surpassing this goal every week — and sometimes only writing four days instead of five.

It's been SUCH an eye-opener for me.  Before this, I would set these massive goals for myself and I would never accomplish them and there would be a lot of self-hate involved and defeatism.  Then, along came #ROW80 to show me that I can actually set smaller goals for myself (and this was MUCH smaller by my standards) and then...I would actually end up getting MORE done than with any of the big goals I've ever set for myself!

I had to take a week and a bit off in February to go see family in Vancouver, and then I had some visitors, but by the time I came back to write I looked at how much I had done so far for #ROW80 and saw that I had written 35,000 words in 6 weeks!!  Now, add this to the 5,000 words I'd already had before the writing challenge started and that put me at 40k!

I realized then, that if I worked hard, if I played my cards right, I could actually finish this novel!!!

So I upped my goals.  2,000 words/day, five days a week — translating into 10,000 words per week.

Now, this goal, I learned quickly was much harder for me to achieve.  I felt burnt out by the end of the week and if I missed a day it was much harder to make up the extra word count if I fell behind.  Still, I made it to 9,800 words the first week and 9,000 words the second.

Something I also started doing through this challenge is keeping track of my daily word count on an excel file — and I highly recommend this.

Then I reached 60,000 words and I just said $%^$ it...now I've just go to get through these last chapters and get this thing done.  So I've been writing day and night — as much as I can.

I must say I'm also motivated by the fact I'm going to Toronto for two weeks, leaving April 3.  So the deadline I've given myself for finishing this novel is actually April 2 (after ROW).  So I am still writing away...

But where am I on this last day? 72k baby!  And I've got about five or six chapters left to write....in 6 days.  Can I make it?  Maybe?

I'm not putting too much pressure on myself.  I haven't been feeling that great this last week or so, so even though I'm working, it's not as easily as I would like.....but I'm just going to keep going and hope I make it — if I don't, I don't.  I'll be pretty much done anyways and I'll only have a chapter or two to write when I get back if I don't make it.

All I can say now is how grateful I am that I found this challenge.  Kait Nolan, I am so grateful to you for creating a challenge for writers who have a life. Thank you!  I'm grateful for the lesson you taught me that just doing a bit each day can actually bring me further in the end than going after a huge goal.

Thank you ROWers for all your support and for sharing your own writing challenges and goals with me.  In these past three months I've pretty much written a novel and I'm smiling from ear to ear, looking at the writing world a little differently (in a good way) and so excited for how this challenge will shape my productivity in the future.

Alas, I cannot join #ROW80 for the second round....I'll be travelling too much in April and May.

I leave you then, with IMMENSE gratitude, the possibility of knowing that I may join ROW80 again in the future, and an almost-written-novel I shall now return to.

Good luck everyone participating in the second round, and good luck to all writers, everywhere, near and far.

Stepping it up

There is a possibility that if I up my word count by 1,000 words/day to 2,000 words/day, five days a week, I will finish the first draft of this novel by the end of the first round of ROW80 (the end of this month), or shortly thereafter.

I've got some travelling to do in April and most likely again in May, so finishing before my travelling starts would be ideal.

So what am I doing?  I'm stepping it up.

Starting tomorrow I am upping my daily word count to 2,000 words/day, five days a week.

Now, increasing my word count will be a challenge but I definitely know it's doable because I've often written at least 500 words above my word count most days so far during this challenge.  I know this novel will be short and should be sitting at about 80,000 words when all is said and done, and right now I'm just under 40,000.  So the only thing left for me to do now is get to it.

Again, what I've learned is to not put pressure on myself to "finish the novel."  I've learned I get A LOT more done when I just focus on my word count each day and nothing else.

So from here we'll just see what happens.

And in the meantime, as I like to do, some gratitude...

Thank you for the financial means to be able to fly places to visit family and friends.  Thank you for the time to be able to do so as well.  Thank you for an increasing income.  Thank you for the way life moves on and up and backwards and forwards all at once so that there is always so much to be in awe of, to be inspired by, and thank you for how it all culminates into moments of transformation — blessings that stretch beyond my fondest dreams.  Thank you for old friends and new love and how the two can find each other.  Thank you for every single moment that I feel more and more connected to myself, that I can feel truth filling me up so that as I move through space and time, I do so from a place that is authentic.  Thank you for anyone and everyone who accepts me for who I am.  Thank you for my growing acceptance of myself.

Thank you for dreams, BIG dreams.  And thank you for the opportunity to be able to go for them.

The space between

One challenge I've always faced writing novels is knowing what to do with the space in between plot points.  For example when you've hit Plot Point A and know you now need to get to Plot Point B but there's no roadmap to get you there.

Sure, sometimes you strike gold and the novel progresses at one certain point to another with relative ease (for me especially if I have an idea of what I want to hit in the middle). But more often than not I go through this elation of reaching a specific place, the joy of writing a scene that's been bubbling in my mind for weeks (or much longer) only to be followed by a "uh...now what?"

I know where I want to go from here but I also know there needs to be some space between.  It's a pacing thing right?  This is where I try to use my instinct. I have a feeling of how much writing needs to pass between A and B.  At the same time, not knowing what this writing will be has before caused me to ramble on and veer down roads that lead me anywhere but where I want to go.

True, sometimes this is where the magic of writing happens, where an unexpected turn helps me figure out things I wasn't sure about or add in an aspect when something had been missing.

On the other hand, if the veering and the rambling doesn't pan out I end up making the space between A and B or B and C (or whatever) much longer than I want it to be and often it's filled with "stuff" that isn't driving the story.

I'm about to approach "a space between" very shortly.  It's making me a tad worried actually because up until now I've been on quite the roll.  So here's my question to you ROWers: How do you manage the space between?  Do you have any tactics?  Any suggestions?

I know we all have different writing process and some of us write such detailed outlines that we don't have "space" to deal with.  Me, on the other hand, I like to write fairly loose outlines because I have better luck getting the story to show itself to me this way (if that makes any sense).  The downside of this of course is that I think it takes me longer to write a novel than it would for authors who know exactly where they're going all the time.  But that's my process *shrugs. And I believe writers need to do things differently.  Different means specific to you and without that you're taking away any hope of originality.  Do you think?

As far as my ROW80 goals go — I'm still on track for this week (kind of).  I need to bang out 2,000 words before the end of the day today, which is shortened by the fact I have visitors coming.

Then on Friday I fly to Vancouver so will definitely be on a writing hiatus — perhaps won't even have time to check-in.  But such is life.

And if there's one thing I feel, it's that you've got to be grateful for it.  Truly, everyday I focus on gratitude I just feel it in my bones more and more.

I thought what I would do today is leave everyone with this video.  I'm a bit into Oprah, so sorry if this ain't your thing.  Also, I couldn't get the video to embed properly because of the size of my blog page, so if you want to see the video in full screen, click here.

I've posted this because, as far as us writers go, I think we're in the business of dreaming big.  So it's on that note, I leave you this:

    

6 Lessons Oprah Learned from the World's Biggest Dreamers

They set their goals high and now live the lives they dreamed about. Find out the greatest lessons Oprah learned from Ted Turner, Laird Hamilton, Pastor Joel Osteen, Iyanla Vanzant, Jennifer Hudson and Paula Deen.

It's not midnight yet on the West Coast!

Phew! It's been a busy week and I feel like I'm juggling a lot of things, several balls in the air, but still I'm keeping up with my goals as much as I can so I've got to be happy with that and I am.

I wanted to write a post that spoke about more than just my ROW80 goals but we had some folks over today for the Super Bowl and it was fun that meant being away from the computer...but fun is never a bad thing, right?  Especially when you've still made your gaols.

I wrote a total of 6,413 words this week — 1,413 words over my weekly goal.  Woohoo!

I did only write four days instead of five though.  Since I'm now assisting with the yoga teacher training this takes another day away from me so if I'm busy with other work during the week I don't have as much time on the weekend to make it up.

But I'm perfectly okay with that, especially if I'm still making (and sometimes surpassing) my word count goal.

It's also been great to visit some of your blogs and see what you're up to and learning about the lessons and adventures we're going through thanks to ROW80 and writing and life!


Wishing you all a great week ahead!

Just close enough

It's been a busy week.  A great week, but a busy one.  I received a really nice surprise in that my yoga studio (where I just finished the in-class portion of my teacher training) asked me to assit the next round of teacher training — which started this Friday.  So I'm back in the classroom!  This time it's a bit different because I'm helping out but I'm also learning in a new way and I truly couldn't be more grateful.

Needless to say though, I've had to add on to the hours away from my writing project, with yoga and also with my freelance work.  I won't complain about that either though because this is how I get paid at the moment and I am so eternally grateful for every bit of income that comes my way!

Still, despite how busy my week was, I managed to end it only three hundred words short of my weekly writing goal!  I didn't write as many days (four instead of five) but I had one good session on Thursday that allowed me to make up for time lost doing other things that needed to get done.

Seriously, ROW80 has been life-changing for me even in just these first three weeks.  I can't express how much it's EXACTLY what I need/have needed.  Just in these three weeks it's made me learn that I can actually get more done with smaller goals and just doing a little bit but more often, than having huge sweeping goals and trying to work furiously in big chunks of time to complete them.  Doing things this new way just works for me.  It just does.

Oh, I have made myself a new ROW80 rule though!  That rule is that I am not allowed to use word count that is in excess of my 5,000 words/week goal for the following week.  So if I write 7,000 words one week, that does not mean it's okay for me to then write 3,000 words the following (because I  wrote an extra 2k from the week before).  I came really close to doing that this week but my instinct is telling me that's just a bad habit I shouldn't keep.

So my overall goals are still the same: 1,000 words a day, five days a week.  I'm okay with fudging on the number of days A BIT as long as I still make it to 5,000 words by the end of the week.  Now I've just added in my new rule, which I am calling no rollover words.

Now I'd like to end with some extra gratitude for the week:

Thank you for surprises. Thank you for the days people see potential in you.  Thank you more for the days you see, and feel it in yourself.  Thank you for how I am  integrating more and more everyday the idea that my body is a temple and one I want to take care of well, love and bless with all my heart.  Thank you for divine right action taking place in my life.  Thank you for how close I feel to my writing project, closer then ever before.  Thank you for the trust I'm gaining, in myself, in others, in the universe. Thank you for friends who are just plain old happy for you and remind you that when something nice happens you don't need to ask why, you just need to be thankful and go for it.

Thank you for the truth I feel in my heart.  Thank you for the breath within my breath.  

Sunday Funday

Excuse the cliche please, but this is what my Sunday is today.  Why, you ask?  Because I've made my ROW80 goals for the week!

I only have one goal, and that's 1,000 words a day, five days a week.  When I made that goal I took Kait Nolan's advice and cut my original goal in half and posted that as my ROW80 challenge.  I have to say, I felt a tiny twinge of uncertainty for a goal of only 1,000 words per writing session but as I've said before, my issue in 2012 was setting this grand sweeping goal that became unattainable for me in light of the rest of my life that I have to (gladly) live and ultimately was a failure.

Now I am so over that tiny twinge.  In fact, it's turned into a warm glow.  Here's what I wrote for the week, copied from excel (I'm keeping track!).

07-Jan	1369
08-Jan	1200
09-Jan	1200
10-Jan	700
12-Jan	1132

So as you can see on January 10 I only got to 700 (I had a very busy day that day) BUT all the other days I went past my word count goal to reach a total of 5601 for the week — 600 words OVER my total word count goal for the week.

Ideally I'd like to write more, but I was super busy with work assignments and I can't complain about that.  Other weeks I won't be and on those weeks I hope to write more.

The point is that I can't be hard on myself, nor do I even feel like being.  I met my goal!  I made writing a priority for a length of time, five days a week and because of that I made headway on my WIP and that is what's most important to me.

So today I get to do some cooking for the week and just hang out — with my hubby, with a book (I'm reading The Hobbit for the very first time if anyone wants to comment on that), with some television, and doing some laid back Internet surfing (made it to yoga this morning too).

Also usually I like to do one gratitude blog post a week, so here's just a big old Thank You to ROW80 AND to the writers who have visited my blog this week and offered their stories and encouragement.  I cannot express how cool it is to all of sudden feel not so alone in my writerly pursuits.  So thank you!  I plan on continuing to check out other ROW80 folks and offering my support right back!

Happy Sunday people.  Hope you're enjoying yours! 

Another blank canvas

Last year I set BIG! goals for myself.  (Now insert unrealistic where you see BIG!).

I've gone through being frustrated and hard on myself about it — to feeling kind and forgiving.  I had no idea what 2012 had in store for me — that I'd be much busier with other things than I knew when I set said goals.  I wouldn't trade that business.   I wouldn't take back the other parts of the year that filled my life with new experiences and new work and joy and even sorrow.  It's what made the year.  It's what makes me, even now.

So now it's 2013 and even though I didn't get to everything I hoped I would in my writing life for 2012, it's time to start again.

Do I have writing goals?  Sure do.

I've got word count goals in mind.  I have promises to stay away from television and internet surfing that I've made to myself.  These mundane writerly goals are important, and that's why I'm noting them here — but they're not what really counts I've learned.

So I want this to be the year I find greater strength.  I want this to be the year I find greater commitment, devotion and also greater patience.  I want this to be the year that my writing turns out better than any year before.

I'm not sure how exciting any of that sounds but it's my truth.  I'm not even sure how these goals will help me to be productive without a concrete execution plan in place, but I'm ready to try a new approach.  I'm willing to see if doing it this way will bring me closer to the dreams I'm never giving up on.

Anyone with me?

Let's take away the things you can measure in pounds and inches, pages and word counts, dollars and cents, cholesterol levels, hours and minutes. Take all that away and ask yourself what you really want for 2013?

It's another blank canvas people.

This was the year...

And what a big year.  We moved to LA.  I finished a novel and started another.  We had seven sets of visitors.  I visited the South Island of New Zealand, Hawaii and Orlando. I started writing for a few new travel publications, did some PR work for the first time on the side.  Tom and I took trips to Laguna Beach, Palm Springs and Santa Barbara.  We flew back to Toronto to visit family twice.  I completed eight full weekends of a yoga teacher training.  I've made new friends and kept in touch with old ones. I did my first three-day juice cleanse.  I started riding a bike.  I started writing this blog.  Tom and I made a new home. Close to the end of this year I hit a bump in the road and stumbled.  Now it's the last day of 2012 and I'm pretty much back on my feet. My knees may feel a little wobbly but there's sturdy ground beneath me and strength in the muscles that hug to my bones.

So those are the main events among the many others of 2012, but in truth, this was the year...

   ...the ocean got closer

....and I remembered you can always hear it, even in the sound of a breath.

This was the year of knowing you're always moving forward as long as you don't give up

...and that gratitude is infinite

...fun is of the utmost importance

....and fear is what you feel just before your spirit grows.

This was the year I was reminded you can't worry about unanswerable questions

 ....and that hope is at its strongest when you're staring the hardest truths in the face.

I learned that love travels through text messages, and webcams and emails.  It sits inside photographs and birthday cards, on notes written on the back of old bills.  And even when you're not thinking about it, it's hanging out in the air around you, connecting you to the world, and all the people you love no matter how far away.  It's connecting you to all beings.  Everywhere.

You are you.  Dare greatly.  Put your true self out there for the world to see — even if that means risking failure, being vulnerable, and writing corny, heartfelt blog posts that are a little too sappy for most people's taste.

See what can happen when you just go with it?

Know that you are blessed beyond your fondest dreams.

Keep your heart open...

...to give, give, give and to receive.  Forgive yourself for being human.  Find gratitude even for the things that happened this year that were excruciating, or at least work on finding it.  Because one day you're going to look back on this year and be in awe of how long ago it was, of how it shaped you, of how you got through it, and of how you were actually able to accomplish so much.  Even though it may not feel like it, even though it might feel like the opposite, you're stepping up.

And the truth is no one can promise you this means you'll see your dreams realized.  The truth is no one knows that much for sure.  But if you're here, you're fed and clothed, sheltered and breathing, you've got today to give it your best shot.

This was a year of love.  This was a year of greatness.  This year and all.  xo

Still alive — but still on a bit of a hiatus

Hello world.  It's been a while hasn't it?

And I'm afraid it's going to continue to be a while for me to post anything relevant (and I suppose relevant is a relative term here).

What I can tell you about my writing life is that things are going — as you know, slower than expected but I think no matter how fast I go it may always be slower than expected.  I've been dealing with real bouts of lack of motivation this week — like real ones — so I've been trying not to be hard on myself so the motivation has room to edge it's way back in.

Also, two people are reading my first book and the feedback I've gotten so far is really encouraging.  I haven't had a "I'm bored" or "this doesn't work at all" or "this sucks" comment yet.  So I'm pretty pleased.

Yoga has still been keeping me busy as well and occupying my mind.  Last weekend I taught fifteen minutes of a class to real people.  Yes, real ones!  And I didn't blank or vomit (though I may have felt a little like upchucking on the inside).  I've still got a long ways to go before I can become a bonafide teacher, and although I love yoga and I think I might actually like teaching, this isn't my priority and unless you're new to this blog you know why.

Next week I'm going to Toronto for a very, very quick visit.  So if I don't see you, I'm sorry, dear Torontonian friends.  I'll be back again when the snow is gone.

In the meantime, let's continue on from my last post, shall we?

Thank you for the freedom of being able to work from bed just because it's grey outside.  And thank you for that being hardly ever because I live in Los Angeles.  Oh, and thank you, by the way, for Tom and I getting through our first year in LA with bells on.  Thank you for the journey of this year in a new country, in a new part of the world.  Thank you for the place we call home, the park across the street, the little village shops a block away and new friends.  Thank you for the challenge of moving so far away from everyone I love and everything I know and how that makes me stronger, more open, and even more grateful for everyone and everything I left behind.  Thank you for how a move like this shapes my evolution.

Thank you for the process of life.  Thank you for a universe made of love even when it's not so obvious.  Thank you for the days I truly feel that we are one.  Thank you because no matter how far away I am from people I love, they are still with me everywhere.  Thank you because life always has the potential to be delicious even when it's sour, or bitter or frightening.  Thank you for new gifts.  Thank you for miracles.

Thank you.  Just thanks.

Thanks usually does it

I'm working hard on all the things I told you I'd be working on right about now.  I had set a word count goal for myself for this second book, which I've learned is pretty easy for me to meet.  The hard part is that somedays I just can't get to the writing at all, with other work that I'm doing getting in the way.  But I'm not about to complain about that.  I'm doing what I can for right now and I plan on just continuing to put in my best and making my best better.

In the meantime, let's bring it back to gratitude, as you know I like to do.  

Thank you.  Thank you for days that feel like fall even in a never-ending summer.  Thank you for the people that show up in your life when you least expect just to tell you they care.  Thank you for spinach and chickpeas, braised in coconut milk and served over roasted sweet potato.  Thank you for a best friend, that's a life partner, that's a lover that's a lionheart.  Thank you for the new bind I just found in my yoga practice.  Thank you for my healthy body.  Thank you for the way the wind trickles up my skin as I ride a bike.  Thank you because I always seem to be able to find the money for whatever I need and sometimes just what I want.  

Thank you because life can still be swell even when it's heartbreaking.  Thank you for everyone that's guiding me, those I can and can't see.  Thank you for the colourful wheels of light that spin within me: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, lavender and violet.  Thank you for this moment, right now, this single beat of my heart.  This breath.  

If you're reading this thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Love and thanks. 

Zadie and eVerest

I don't have much to say at the moment and today happens to be my hubby's birthday so I thought I'd post one of my favourite songs of his for all of you to enjoy.  Happy Birthday Toomie! Love you more than I could ever say in words.  Keep making great music!

It's also someone else's birthday today who is equally as special to me: my Zadie.  He is seriously one of the most amazing, happy, joyful people I know and today turns 88!  He served Canada in World War II and is featured in something called the Memory Project.  Click the name or this to hear his voice and learn some of his World War II story.  Love you Zadie!

We've got it. Here. Now.

A few days after I returned from Hawaii my Mom and Aunt came to visiti me in LA for the first time.  Below is a picture of them at The Grove.  And of my Mom and I, with me in my new dress from Pinup Girl Clothing, which makes AMAZING 50's style clothing that I cannot say enough about. I'd been wondering how I could get my hands on a Betty Draper dress for quite some time.  This picture doesn't really show my dress, but it's this dress, I will soon be going back for.

Not sure if you can see the pink elephant with the champagne glass on my shoulder.  Supposedly my Mom's parents had elephants and champagne wallpaper in the 50s/60s and that makes me love this dress even more.

I had a great time while my Mom and Aunt were visiting.  The trip was too short but there you have it.  I miss my Mom everyday but it won't be long until I see her again.

And what's helping me get through the overall sadness I feel about my Mom being gone is what's around the corner....

I didn't realize this until a couple of weeks ago but this Fall I will be spending the majority of my time doing two things that will mean a dream of mine has come true.

This:

And this:

For the last five years before this one, when I was working full time out of an office, I used to dream about a life where I'd sold books and made enough money to write what I wanted to write for a living, gain a deeper knowledge of yoga and get down to a daily practice.

So the part of the dream where I can support myself through writing what I want to write hasn't come true... yet.  BUT, the other two things have.

In September, actually on Sept. 10 (which is my 31st birthday and weird that I'll be starting on this day for so many reasons I'll have to get to in another post) I'll be starting my first draft of the second book in my series.  And on September 7 (and actually this is my hubby's and grandfather's birthday) I'll be attending my very first class for yoga teacher's training!

Then for the next three months my life will be fully devoted to two of the things I love most (and a few other things I love too of course).  If someone would have told me this a year ago, oh how my heart would have smiled.

But never mind that, because it's smiling now!

I've written a lot in my journal about wishing writing and yoga would take up more of my time and become more of what I devote myself to.  The writing, thankfully, has a steady place in my life now that I'm grateful for.  Now I hope through this teacher training that I'll learn more about the practice of yoga and accept it into my life with a deeper knowledge that will keep with me on and off the mat.

So this is one of those great moments.  The moment when I look at my life and realize that, right now I have everything I need.

But the trick to this, you see, is that this is always true, even if it doesn't seem so obvious or not a single dream has come true.

Because we all have exactly what we need in this moment— to take us out of a situation we don't want to be in, to root us more firmly in the present, to realize that things are the way they are because we have lessons to learn and growing to do.

As great as things are right now I can also think of recent moments when I haven't felt so great, and even in those moments I've had everything I need.  I'm learning from these moments as much if not more than the easier ones.

And as far as now goes, if I keep doing and dreaming and feeling grateful for what I have now, I hope these things I love and support through my time, care and devotion, will support me back in new, greater and exciting ways — through love, through abundance.  And through a deeper understanding of who I really am.