Another blank canvas

Last year I set BIG! goals for myself.  (Now insert unrealistic where you see BIG!).

I've gone through being frustrated and hard on myself about it — to feeling kind and forgiving.  I had no idea what 2012 had in store for me — that I'd be much busier with other things than I knew when I set said goals.  I wouldn't trade that business.   I wouldn't take back the other parts of the year that filled my life with new experiences and new work and joy and even sorrow.  It's what made the year.  It's what makes me, even now.

So now it's 2013 and even though I didn't get to everything I hoped I would in my writing life for 2012, it's time to start again.

Do I have writing goals?  Sure do.

I've got word count goals in mind.  I have promises to stay away from television and internet surfing that I've made to myself.  These mundane writerly goals are important, and that's why I'm noting them here — but they're not what really counts I've learned.

So I want this to be the year I find greater strength.  I want this to be the year I find greater commitment, devotion and also greater patience.  I want this to be the year that my writing turns out better than any year before.

I'm not sure how exciting any of that sounds but it's my truth.  I'm not even sure how these goals will help me to be productive without a concrete execution plan in place, but I'm ready to try a new approach.  I'm willing to see if doing it this way will bring me closer to the dreams I'm never giving up on.

Anyone with me?

Let's take away the things you can measure in pounds and inches, pages and word counts, dollars and cents, cholesterol levels, hours and minutes. Take all that away and ask yourself what you really want for 2013?

It's another blank canvas people.

This was the year...

And what a big year.  We moved to LA.  I finished a novel and started another.  We had seven sets of visitors.  I visited the South Island of New Zealand, Hawaii and Orlando. I started writing for a few new travel publications, did some PR work for the first time on the side.  Tom and I took trips to Laguna Beach, Palm Springs and Santa Barbara.  We flew back to Toronto to visit family twice.  I completed eight full weekends of a yoga teacher training.  I've made new friends and kept in touch with old ones. I did my first three-day juice cleanse.  I started riding a bike.  I started writing this blog.  Tom and I made a new home. Close to the end of this year I hit a bump in the road and stumbled.  Now it's the last day of 2012 and I'm pretty much back on my feet. My knees may feel a little wobbly but there's sturdy ground beneath me and strength in the muscles that hug to my bones.

So those are the main events among the many others of 2012, but in truth, this was the year...

   ...the ocean got closer

....and I remembered you can always hear it, even in the sound of a breath.

This was the year of knowing you're always moving forward as long as you don't give up

...and that gratitude is infinite

...fun is of the utmost importance

....and fear is what you feel just before your spirit grows.

This was the year I was reminded you can't worry about unanswerable questions

 ....and that hope is at its strongest when you're staring the hardest truths in the face.

I learned that love travels through text messages, and webcams and emails.  It sits inside photographs and birthday cards, on notes written on the back of old bills.  And even when you're not thinking about it, it's hanging out in the air around you, connecting you to the world, and all the people you love no matter how far away.  It's connecting you to all beings.  Everywhere.

You are you.  Dare greatly.  Put your true self out there for the world to see — even if that means risking failure, being vulnerable, and writing corny, heartfelt blog posts that are a little too sappy for most people's taste.

See what can happen when you just go with it?

Know that you are blessed beyond your fondest dreams.

Keep your heart open...

...to give, give, give and to receive.  Forgive yourself for being human.  Find gratitude even for the things that happened this year that were excruciating, or at least work on finding it.  Because one day you're going to look back on this year and be in awe of how long ago it was, of how it shaped you, of how you got through it, and of how you were actually able to accomplish so much.  Even though it may not feel like it, even though it might feel like the opposite, you're stepping up.

And the truth is no one can promise you this means you'll see your dreams realized.  The truth is no one knows that much for sure.  But if you're here, you're fed and clothed, sheltered and breathing, you've got today to give it your best shot.

This was a year of love.  This was a year of greatness.  This year and all.  xo

Half way in

This Sunday will be six months since I started this blog, six months since the day I proclaimed to the web that I will finish drafts of three novels in one year

I'm not going to lie about anything here, I'm not going to avoid owning up to where I am because maybe it's not where I thought I'd be.  Instead am opting for honesty.  It's who am.  It's gotten me in trouble before and I'm sure will again, but I hope right now that maybe it won't.

By the middle of April I was ten chapters away from finishing the third draft of book one in the trilogy. I was whizzing through it and feeling great.  If you've been reading this blog you know what happened next.  I won't spare you with the details.  They were all great things, of course.  Experiences, visits, jobs I am grateful for, but it did take me away from writing.  Between mid-April and the week before last I finished two chapters, which brought me down to eight left.  Then if you read my last blog you know I decided I needed to make a change in the draft that took me back into rewrites of a few chapters already written.  I just finished those rewrites now.

So I've still got eight chapters left, maybe seven.  I'll finish them in a week from now if I'm really lucky.  Otherwise I'll finish them the week after.

That gives me just under six months to write two novels from scratch.  Can I do it? Yes, I can do anything!!  Will I do it?  Time will tell.

The main thing I want to tell you all is that I'm not giving up.  I'm going to do my absolute best to get as much of this trilogy done this year as I possibly can.  But IF, for some reason, I don't make this self-imposed deadline, I am going to be happy with however much I've completed.  No, not happy.  I'll be over-the-moon, insanely proud, elated, rave-dance excited.  Why?  Because I will have given it my absolute all.  I will have lots more done than I ever thought I would get done in those dark, cold moments at the bottom of a pitiful mood.

That's the point isn't it?  Journey, not the destination.  I recall saying something along these lines before: Not just about this year, but all years.... Not just about a year of greatness, a year of love, but a lifetime.  

And then one day I will be finished this trilogy.  And hopefully one day some people will read it and hopefully those people will feel at least some of the love I put in.  Then, even if they do or if they don't, it will be on to the next thing.  That next journey, the next book, the next year.

I'm staring at a blank canvas

Two weeks ago I was on this roof in India, 

making a pact with myself.

You see, I’ve been working on this book for five years — five years that went by like five breaths.  It’s the first book of a middle-grade trilogy and the working draft is pretty much done but I don’t want to fall behind.  I don’t want to take another five years to finish the second book and then another five finishing the third.

That's why I’ve promised to make this the year I complete working drafts of all three books and send the first book out to be read by agents and/or publishers.  (I figure it might be a little easier now that I’m starting 2012 unemployed, living in LA without my own car, 2183 miles away from my closest family and friends). 

So 2012 is a blank canvas I’m devoting to my death wish dream of becoming a writer who writes great books that people love to read. While I’m at it, I thought I might as well blog about it (and other things) too.

Happy New Year!