Still alive — but still on a bit of a hiatus

Hello world.  It's been a while hasn't it?

And I'm afraid it's going to continue to be a while for me to post anything relevant (and I suppose relevant is a relative term here).

What I can tell you about my writing life is that things are going — as you know, slower than expected but I think no matter how fast I go it may always be slower than expected.  I've been dealing with real bouts of lack of motivation this week — like real ones — so I've been trying not to be hard on myself so the motivation has room to edge it's way back in.

Also, two people are reading my first book and the feedback I've gotten so far is really encouraging.  I haven't had a "I'm bored" or "this doesn't work at all" or "this sucks" comment yet.  So I'm pretty pleased.

Yoga has still been keeping me busy as well and occupying my mind.  Last weekend I taught fifteen minutes of a class to real people.  Yes, real ones!  And I didn't blank or vomit (though I may have felt a little like upchucking on the inside).  I've still got a long ways to go before I can become a bonafide teacher, and although I love yoga and I think I might actually like teaching, this isn't my priority and unless you're new to this blog you know why.

Next week I'm going to Toronto for a very, very quick visit.  So if I don't see you, I'm sorry, dear Torontonian friends.  I'll be back again when the snow is gone.

In the meantime, let's continue on from my last post, shall we?

Thank you for the freedom of being able to work from bed just because it's grey outside.  And thank you for that being hardly ever because I live in Los Angeles.  Oh, and thank you, by the way, for Tom and I getting through our first year in LA with bells on.  Thank you for the journey of this year in a new country, in a new part of the world.  Thank you for the place we call home, the park across the street, the little village shops a block away and new friends.  Thank you for the challenge of moving so far away from everyone I love and everything I know and how that makes me stronger, more open, and even more grateful for everyone and everything I left behind.  Thank you for how a move like this shapes my evolution.

Thank you for the process of life.  Thank you for a universe made of love even when it's not so obvious.  Thank you for the days I truly feel that we are one.  Thank you because no matter how far away I am from people I love, they are still with me everywhere.  Thank you because life always has the potential to be delicious even when it's sour, or bitter or frightening.  Thank you for new gifts.  Thank you for miracles.

Thank you.  Just thanks.

Thanks usually does it

I'm working hard on all the things I told you I'd be working on right about now.  I had set a word count goal for myself for this second book, which I've learned is pretty easy for me to meet.  The hard part is that somedays I just can't get to the writing at all, with other work that I'm doing getting in the way.  But I'm not about to complain about that.  I'm doing what I can for right now and I plan on just continuing to put in my best and making my best better.

In the meantime, let's bring it back to gratitude, as you know I like to do.  

Thank you.  Thank you for days that feel like fall even in a never-ending summer.  Thank you for the people that show up in your life when you least expect just to tell you they care.  Thank you for spinach and chickpeas, braised in coconut milk and served over roasted sweet potato.  Thank you for a best friend, that's a life partner, that's a lover that's a lionheart.  Thank you for the new bind I just found in my yoga practice.  Thank you for my healthy body.  Thank you for the way the wind trickles up my skin as I ride a bike.  Thank you because I always seem to be able to find the money for whatever I need and sometimes just what I want.  

Thank you because life can still be swell even when it's heartbreaking.  Thank you for everyone that's guiding me, those I can and can't see.  Thank you for the colourful wheels of light that spin within me: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, lavender and violet.  Thank you for this moment, right now, this single beat of my heart.  This breath.  

If you're reading this thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Love and thanks. 

In which I officially become an Angelino

It's 13 degrees celsius with clouds right now in LA (that's 56 Fahrenheit for all you Americans) and I'm freezing.  This can only mean one thing: Los Angeles is seeping into my bones.

Still, the sun manages to tear through all other weather conditions by noon in LA so the only indication of fall are the pumpkins and sheet ghosts lurking on doorsteps.  Despite wanting to curl in my bed and hibernate now that the temperature has finally dropped, I do miss autumn.  It's the month that always makes me feel like change is coming — not just in the seasons but in life.

And I suppose I am going through a transformative sort of time — learning new things, writing a new book.  Not long ago I discovered this great website called Author Media, dedicated to helping authors with their Internet promotion.  They have a great Facebook page too and on that page post these pictures, which I would now like to share with you.  Writer or no, you may get a laugh from them.  Happy Friday everyone!

 And so I will!

Anything with Christopher Walken is awesome.

  My favourite of course....

Learning to fall

These past couple of weeks life has been getting away from me a bit.  I mean that mostly in a positive way.  I've been busy with yoga teacher training, new work and a weekend getaway to Santa Barbara, all of which have taken me away from writing a little bit.  But today I was back at it again and will be tomorrow and I plan on keeping it up from there.  It's so fun and strange to be writing a first draft again.

The last time I was writing one was in 2008 and I'd forgotten what it felt like to just pull stuff out of thin air.  The hard part is trying not to care how you're telling the story and just focusing on getting the thing out.  I try to remind myself that the first draft of my first book in this series was equally as sh$%&tty as this one when I started out.  Also there are aspects of storytelling that can be fixed in the rewrites, so right now it's about letting go of the idea that the storytelling will be a success right out of the gate.

Of course, letting go and being open to failing the first time around can be hard to do in any area of life.  In my yoga practice this is manifesting with me trying to let go of my fear of falling in inversions like handstand.

One of my teacher's said to me a little while ago that the best way to get over a fear of falling is to learn how to fall.

I love that.  Because falling is inevitable, right?  We all have to get up there and do our best and fall down sometimes, don't we?

But if we can learn how to fall with grace, with compassion, with an ability to be kind to ourselves and those around us who tried to help, then that fall will be a success in its own right.

In yoga learning to fall pretty much means knowing the best way to get your feet back on the ground.  I think right now in my writing life learning to fall means allowing myself the capacity to keep giving it my best even though I might fail.  At least then I have a foundation to support me for the next draft, and the draft after that and after that.  At least then I'll have roots, so as I build on that first draft, climbing higher and higher, my book will have something to anchor it to the earth and support it as it grows.  Then hopefully one day it won't fall.

In the rest of my life, learning to fall means not being hard on myself when I find out I'm wrong about something, knowing when to apologize when its necessary, and knowing how to leave the fall behind me once it's finished.

What does learning to fall mean to you?  

Busy!

Between yoga teacher training, writing and work (yes, work!) I am pretty swamped right now.  Still, couldn't be happier.  I've had some travel writing stuff take me away from my book this week and though I feel a little frustrated about it this work is awesome and I'm truly grateful for it!  On that note, here's a link to two stories that published in two publications I haven't written for before.  These two are travel agent pieces, one for TravelAge West, the other for Family Getaways (a sister pub of TravelAge West).  Still some great Hawaii info if you're interested!

TravelAge West Story

Family Getaways Story

Have a a great weekend folks!

Exposed

This week has been a lot of things for me.  I've fully dug into the second book in my series.  I've been thrown in (thrown is definitely the right verb here) to my yoga teacher training.  And it was also my 31st birthday on Monday — the beginning of a new year for me.  Putting all these things together there have been some high points and not so hight points as well.

Also, the culmination of these things signifies further change in my life.  Good change: getting older, the freedom of writing a first draft from the heart to page, the excitement of beginning a learning process I have wanted to start for quite some time.  The not so good things: getting older, the terror of pulling a story out of thin air while ignoring the voice in my head telling me my storytelling sucks, and lastly, dealing with a fear of public speaking in my teacher training where I must put my true self out there for all to see.  Exposing myself.

We all have those moments of feeling exposed, don't we?  Where we feel sliced open at the heart.  Where we feel more naked than being naked.  For some reason, at this point in my life, that's what it feels like for me to stand up in front of people to speak.

So you might be asking yourself: then why the hell are you taking a yoga teacher's training? Well, because I love yoga.  Because the idea of teaching seems amazing to me.  Because I don't want fear to stop me from doing something I love.

This week my Mom sent me these videos to help me deal with the fear of putting my true self out there, of being vulnerable.  Brené Brown has also just published a book on this subject, if you're interested. I downloaded it to my Kindle just before I began this post.

If there's something you're feeling vulnerable about, you might want to take some time out of your life and watch these videos.  And, if you watch the second video you'll learn if you never feel vulnerable about anything then chances are you're a sociopath....so, in other words, there is something in these TED Talks for you.  Brené Brown is really funny too!  This first video came out in 2010:



Here's the second video, which you'll understand better if you've watched the first. This one came out in March 2012.

Hope you enjoy!  Here's to being vulnerable, to not shying away from shame, to being flawed right out in the open.

Zadie and eVerest

I don't have much to say at the moment and today happens to be my hubby's birthday so I thought I'd post one of my favourite songs of his for all of you to enjoy.  Happy Birthday Toomie! Love you more than I could ever say in words.  Keep making great music!

It's also someone else's birthday today who is equally as special to me: my Zadie.  He is seriously one of the most amazing, happy, joyful people I know and today turns 88!  He served Canada in World War II and is featured in something called the Memory Project.  Click the name or this to hear his voice and learn some of his World War II story.  Love you Zadie!